i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I just had sex on a roof
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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