There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
