my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
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