well I can't set my house on fire every night
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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