Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
