Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
