T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
