At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Randomize
