All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
