be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
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