So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
