it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
