I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize