Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
