You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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