He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
