remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
