Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
