we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
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