The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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