i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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