Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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