I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
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