The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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