Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Randomize
