Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
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