I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
