How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
