Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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