My cat gives me a boner
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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