The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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