I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Everyone says I win the strip club
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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