My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
He shit in the fireplace
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
