I accidentally burped into my bong.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
