Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
