it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
