hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Randomize
