Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
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