U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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