so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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