The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Randomize
