I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize