"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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