when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
