Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
