We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Randomize