My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
He shit in the fireplace
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
