I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
