There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Princesses don't give blow jobs
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
