Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
