i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I understand Curling. That high.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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