i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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