i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
