new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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