Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize