you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
