My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Randomize
