I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
