The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Let's paint friendship bongs
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
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