i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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