I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize