Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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