I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Randomize