do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
He called his prostate his "boner button".
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
