that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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