The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
