i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
