I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
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