How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
