They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
