I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
then he tried to convert me to islam
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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