Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
